so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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