I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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