I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
