yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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