ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
