do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come share oat with me in your robe
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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