I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
