so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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