We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
