This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
