I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
