I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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