Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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