i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
