I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just google imaged poop.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
