i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
