Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
