I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
