My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
