zippers are such a cool invention
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
