You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
