Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Holy shit dude........stairs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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