That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
