The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
