I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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