i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
