it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
