porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
