if i can run in heels then i can drive
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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