dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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