I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
