I think i peed on brittanys purse
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
