Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
