Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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