i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
