She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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