every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this just has baby written all over it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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