i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
