My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
