HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
