STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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