dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
