Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
