So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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