drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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