New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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