I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
