question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
someone owes me an orgasm
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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