I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
