i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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